又中又英——Nagging Feeling

　　There is a nagging feeling in my mind which I cannot shake off. This nagging feeling hit me after I realized I’ve been in the US for over a month now. I have hardly spoken any Cantonese for over a month. My relatives and I speak mostly English even though they still remember some Cantonese. To “nag” someone means to always complain or criticize. Some parents always nag their children for having poor grades in school. But to have a nagging feeling used this way means to have a continuous worrying feeling. To “shake off” used this way means to try to get rid of something that is bothering you.
　　If something “hits you” it means it suddenly occurs to you. After it suddenly occurred to me I’ve been out of Hong Kong for over a month, the nagging feeling hit me. The nagging feeling I have is that if I continue to only speak English I will gradually not be able to speak Cantonese as fluently as I can now. This means I now continuously worry I will soon lose my Cantonese fluency and understanding of new Cantonese slang words. I worry I could reach a point when I use it or lose it. As I explained some years ago, the expression “use it or lose it” means if you don’t use something, such as a language, you will gradually not be able to speak it well.
　　My problem is I have no one to speak Cantonese with. When I am on a plane flying from one relative’s home to another, the flight attendants can only speak English. It’s the same thing when I am in a supermarket or ordering food in a restaurant. I had many Cantonese-speaking friends when I lived and worked in Washington DC and Seattle many years ago. But I have lost contact with all of them. I sometimes call my Hong Kong friends for a long chat on the phone but the time difference makes that difficult.
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我心中有个纠缠不休的感觉（nagging feeling），挥之不去（cannot shake off），这个缠绕的感觉（nagging feeling）袭来（hit me），是在我意会到自己已经待在美国超过一个月之后。超过一个月以来，我几乎没有说过广东话，我的亲戚主要都跟我说英语，即使他们还记得一些广东话的会话。To “nag” someone意即去唠叨、不断抱怨或责骂某人；有些家长会常常唠叨抱怨着（nag）子女在校成绩不佳。但to have a nagging feeling在这里是指持续地有一个担忧的感觉萦绕在心。To “shake off”在此是指去摆脱一些令你烦扰的事情。
　　若某事物“hits you”，那即是你突然意识到、明白到。我忽然想到自己已经离开香港超过一个月后，那个缠绕的感觉（nagging feeling）随即袭来（hit me）。在我心头纠缠不休的感觉（nagging feeling）是，若我一直只说英语，便逐渐不能像我现在般说流利的广东话。这即是说，我现在持续地担忧我的广东话很快便不再那么流利，也不再能明白那些新的广东话俚语。我担心我会去到一个地步是use it or lose it。正如我许多年前解释过的，习语“use it or lose it”是指你要么就用，要么就作废了；若你不用某事物，例如语言，你会慢慢地变得不那么流利。
　　我的问题是我没有可以说广东话的对象。当我坐飞机由一个亲戚的家飞往探访另一个亲戚时，那位空中服务员只能说英语。我到超市又或在餐厅点食物时，情况也是一样。我许多年前在华盛顿特区和西雅图居住和工作时，也曾有过许多说广东话的朋友，不过现在跟这些朋友已全都失去联络了。我有时会打电话给我的香港朋友，「煲电话粥」长谈，但时差令这件事变得困难。
中译:七刻
Michael Chugani 褚简宁